Psychology, personality, self, me. --- .This section is about me. --- 1/24/2006
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- (1) I stayed totally out of the system so as not to be warped by it while I was getting strong. (2) Now strong, I am working within the system to change the system. --- 10/30/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- (1) What is my purpose? (A) Think. (B) Write. (C) Read. In that order. (2) Why is that my purpose? (A) I'm good at it. (B) I like it. (C) It needs to be done, it should be done. (D) I think 60000 words per year of above average quality. I read and take notes at rate of 20 pages an hour, or 20 books a year, average of two hundred pages each. I write (type) two pages per hour. --- 3/30/1998
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- (1) Who am I? I am that guy who spends all his time writing that big book about everything that nobody reads, even at the expense of career and social life. (2) Why do I do it? Because I am good at thinking, and I want to help the world? (3) What if working full time as a writer gives me carpel and eye strain? Then quit the day job and find something less taxing. (4) What if I write a web site and no one reads it? Its like, what if a tree falls and no one hears it? --- 5/21/2006
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- 41 years old. What have I accomplished? What have I done? What did I try to do? What were my goals. Did not set high enough goals. Did not set idealistic enough, progressive enough goals. Did not set enough goals in enough areas. --- 1/20/2006
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Academic with a wild streak. Rowdy with soulful eyes. --- 06/07/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- All I do now, every spare minute, is look for, absorb, and generate information. What a life. For no pay, no money, no women, no status, etc., and with no goal and no end in sight. --- 01/24/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Am I a genius, or just someone who gets bored very easily? --- 06/17/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Am I a loner or does my work require me to be alone? --- 4/23/2002
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Atheist, socialist, intellectual. --- 6/23/2005
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Audrey makes me feel safe, happy, calm and loved. A good job makes me feel safe and calm too. --- 01/23/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Childlike, neophyte, naive, amateur, beginner. --- 1/22/2002
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Description of self by personal ad: SWM 40, etc. (2) Description of self by resume: Objective, experience, etc. --- 4/21/2005
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- For years I have been scribbling illegibly on napkins and matchbook covers when I should have been creating a wide network of social contacts. Whoops. --- 8/4/2000
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- General, encyclopedic, categorizer. --- 07/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Generalist and foundationalist. I am a philosopher. My new self image, and role, and purpose, and passion. Idea people should not do drone work. --- 06/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Getting into lists of themes in literature. Getting into quotes of specific philosophies. Exploring neurosis, repression, catharsis, manic depression. --- 03/06/1989
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- How I feel. I am always an alien. I am always an immigrant in a strange culture. --- 6/5/2000
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- How I made the transition from comedian to intellectual. It occurred at the point where said to myself "Hey, I have enough material to do 45 minutes on subject x. Seriously!" --- 8/10/1998
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am a freelance philosopher. --- 1/26/2004
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am a mass of lusts whose source is unknown, and whose flow is uncontrollable and unstoppable. I am a bunch of neurosis trying to control these lusts. --- 03/16/1989
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am a public generalist. I'm reaching out to private specialists. --- 10/31/2004
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am a thinker, not a philosopher. --- 03/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am a thoroughbred. I work best going full blast. I am sensitive. Keep charging forward. --- 11/15/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am a writing and reading machine. --- 08/22/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am an artist/philosopher. Ultimate mix of reason and emotion. --- 01/01/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am an explorer, exploring the world of ideas. --- 01/16/1989
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am an idea man. I do philosophy for fun. I am an generalist. Research is my middle name. --- 08/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am an information activist. --- 5/15/2005
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am as destructive as I am creative. --- 01/12/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am beginning a formalized approach to the acquisition of knowledge in general. --- 11/23/1988
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am changing. A change has taken place. I now see myself as a progressive activist as much as I see myself as a philosopher. I am a problem solver and a pursuer of truth and justice. --- 4/30/2007
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am most happy covering new ground. --- 05/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am my own best friend. I am fighting alone. A loner. On my own. Everyone else can go to hell. --- 08/08/1988
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am not selfish. I just have no patience and a lot of anger. --- 12/12/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am ok. Not that bad, better than most. I always was. I just need a real job, real pay, real friends, real love, real sex, real books, real notes, real time, real thought, real body, real head, real place, real stuff, real life. --- 04/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am on a rational kick now. Fu*k art. Useful subjects, and rational ways of thinking about them. Survival and sex. Bravery to face pain. Achievement of goals. --- 04/10/1989
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am on a rational, feeling, memory kick now. --- 04/10/1989
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am the type who can (1) Get along with anyone. (2) Always has something nice to say. (3) Energetic. (4) Positive attitude. --- 05/06/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I am truly a philosopher. My nature, my bliss, and my job is to sit and think. I could die trying to live like this. Tough life for Paul. --- 04/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I attempt little, and I fail much. Not enough effort. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I can follow no one. No one can follow me. --- 09/10/1988
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I date the beginning of my life March 17, 1987. (The day I quit my job). --- 09/06/1988
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I don't want to be told. And I don't want to fit into the mold. So a lone thinker. --- 03/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I feel like I got a painful past, a present without meaning, and a uncertain and hopeless future. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I feel not one drop of youth left. Feel like a blob. Going nowhere. Years spinning by. Work tedium. "Minding" (mentalizing) and experiencing nothing. --- 09/10/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I fit in by being a loner, oddball, misfit, rebel. I have a singular, unique contribution to make. Do not feel bad. Do not fret. I do not hurt anyone. I even do some good. I help. --- 12/6/2005
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I found me again! I am a philosopher. I lost me when I couldn't find a passionate interest or direction, and then gave in to mass conformity. --- 06/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I get complacent, comfortable, lazy, distracted, unfocused, tired and blindered. --- 12/20/1998
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I get off on staring hard, thinking hard, traveling in my head, letting the feelings wash over me, and not letting the b.s. around me depress me. The b.s. was inconsequential. They were not noticing me, and I was not noticing them any more than I notice grass. --- 07/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I gotta be me. I am what I am. Just be yourself. --- 06/15/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I hate everything. Noble loser. My life is boring and hard. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I have a tendency to avoid confronting painful, worrisome, effortfull obstacles like emotions, thoughts, and memories about problems, situations, and reality. I avoid these obstacles by doing other things, or just by unconsciously repressing much constantly, so the memories, emotions, and thoughts don't occur. This is bad. I must find a way to stop it and bust through it. --- 12/30/1995
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I have the intuition to generate an idea, the intelligence to develop it, and the bravery to take a stand on it. --- 12/27/1988
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I just had to believe in my self. And push myself to produce. Create myself. --- 04/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I just want to feel good about myself (work, leisure, sex), like I fought my battles and didn't waste my time. --- 04/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I know better who I was, am, and want to become. (1) Explorer rather than practical "keep it running" type. (2) Reason rather than mysticism and religion. (3) Theorist rather than empiricist. (4) Grand, broad, foundationalist, encyclopedist, rather than specialist. (5) Free, independent, self oriented, rather than taking orders. --- 06/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I learn a lot from meeting and analyzing assholes. --- 04/10/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I like big questions, general, foundational. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I loathe everyone and everything. --- 03/30/1989
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I operate best as an idealist and an optimist. --- 09/27/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I seek the unknown. I am an explorer. --- 12/09/1988
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I think the world in the 21st century is at a crucial juncture. Never before in history has the impact of humans on the environment been so great. If humans cannot learn to live in an ecologically sustainable manner then there exists the possibility that humans will destroy themselves. Never before in history have social justice issues affected so many people. Social justice abuses can lead to the destruction of the human species. There are two paths that human civilization can take at this point. One path leads to ecological sustainability and social justice. The other path leads toward pollution, crime, war, murder, death. At this point, I give humans a 50/50 chance for survival. I want to devote myself to trying to save the world. Even if I am not successful at saving the world, at least I can say I tried. --- 5/24/2007 --- *
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I used to ask the world, "What is it going to take for me to make you feel?" Now I ask the world, "What is it going to take for you to make me feel?" --- 9/24/1999
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I used to be into peace and tranquillity, excitement and kicks, and beauty (as in surfing, climbing). Then I got into getting things done, kicking ass, and justice. --- 07/18/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I used to believe music was important and powerful. I used to believe my writing would amount to something. I used to believe my career would just happen automatically. I used to believe I would stay the same for years, with same energy for work and play, same health, sex drive, and creativity levels. I was wrong. Now I am adrift. Now I am decaying. Now I have accomplished much less than I thought I would. --- 07/30/1996
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I used to think I was creative enough to get by flouting societies conventions and acting eccentric. Now I think I may not be that creative. And in order to have friends I will have to "respect" them, and act "normal", and play the game. Maybe I can get by if I fake it. --- 12/26/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I want and need intellectual freedom and intellectual space. --- 06/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I want to be running toward something, not running from something (like a succession of lost jobs). If you are not running toward something, you are running away from something. --- 07/25/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I want to feel like I did not waste my time. I want to feel like I did not hurt anyone. I want to feel like I helped by making a useful contribution. --- 7/14/2002
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I was a human being once. With emotions, interests, and dreams. Not anymore. Just a machine, a money maker, and a pain avoider, like a squid. I turned out to be less than I expected to be. I have become capsulized like a bacteria, nothing comes in and nothing goes out. --- 07/30/1996
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I was given an opportunity. Peacetime, not wartime. Information technology in the form of writing and computers. A brain to think. How much did I make of this opportunity? In terms of time (hours). In terms of effort. In terms of results. --- 6/15/2002
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I wasted my young life because the vision, the dream was not clear, enduring, constant and strong enough in my mind and actions. --- 06/01/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I worship the big, new idea. --- 09/20/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I would rather do nothing than do something slutty that I don't believe in or have no interest in. And I will keep doing nothing till I find something I would rather do. --- 05/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I would rather have a million ideas than a million dollars. --- 12/29/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I'm a paradox wrestler. --- 3/31/2006
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I'm a philosopher activist. Philosovist. Philactivist. --- 3/31/2006
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I'm into ideas that are not easily discerned, but that are very important, especially the relationships and borders of subjects. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- I'm looking for something that's not a joke or a waste of time. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Identify with your best brain states, not your worst. --- 11/29/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- If something meaningful, good and lasting should arise out of all the pain, depression, anxiety, fear, mistakes, nonsense, illogic, wackiness and dumb luck that is me, my life and this world, well then hooray. --- 8/1/2000
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- In my life there have been some extended periods of mild weirdness and some short periods of extreme wackiness. Yet I persist. --- 3/5/2002
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Independent scholar. --- 09/20/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Instead of living in delusional fantasies, I should think about who I am, and what I should do in the future. --- 03/30/1989
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Is philosophy for me? I am not as smart as academics. I will never understand all of them, even all of one. The big question is how much to spend on their work vs. my work. How to tackle or approach their work. How to recognize when I am repeating their work. How to not get psyched out by thinking I can't do anything that has not been done already. --- 04/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Is the reason I never sold out because no one ever offered me the money? No, that's not it. I was offered money and I turned it down. --- 3/30/2007
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Is there anything that only I can do, and no one else can? I.e., Any reason or purpose for me specifically to stay alive? Yes, only I can get my head together. --- 06/17/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- It is my duty to myself and to the world to ensure my continued survival and peak performance production. --- 06/06/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- It is when I don't fight back that I feel like shit. --- 08/10/1988
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Layers. (1) Emotionally reserved. (2) Humor. (3) Sadness. (4) Anger. --- 7/30/2005
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Living in the village with Audrey, with a good job, there is much less coulda, woulda, shoulda, which is a much healthier state of mind to be in. --- 05/10/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Me and audrey, people either love us or hate us. --- 11/15/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Me: neurotic, oddball, misfit, loner. --- 04/29/1989
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Me. (1) Attack and defend. (2) Play your game by your rules, kick ass. (3) Warrior, scholar. (4) Dislike the imperfect: in myself, and in others. (5) Handle it, deal with it. (6) Maintain good, dump bad. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Me. (1) Me at best. Encyclopedic, generalist, id-man, fighting, succeeding, winner. (2) Me at worst. Depressed, repressed, unthinking, zombie, anxious. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Me. Don't fall apart for anyone or anything. Don't give up self. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Me. Everyone and everything is opposition. Get what you want, don't get hurt, fight long hard smart fast. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Me. Remember always that my ultimate personal joy is to think. Remember always that my ultimate personal duty is to think. Full focus, full force, and full time. The most important ideas. I have a gift. Work and girlfriend are vitally important to support this gift. --- 08/15/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Me. Rock and roll rebel. Philosopher, artist. Sharp, clear, driven. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Me. Serious, with great sense of humor. Loner, who can really chat people up. --- 06/10/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- My current mantra: I can do it. I am good. --- 02/04/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- My favorite joys. To sit and think, undisturbed. --- 05/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- My new mantra, "relax and enjoy". --- 02/04/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- My survival depends on being an intellectually wild explorer, not a conformist. --- 07/25/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- My view of myself has changed over the years from artist to philosopher to thinker to problem solver. (1) The biggest problems in the world are x, and why. (2) The biggest problems in my life are x, and why. (3) Identify problems size and severity. Identify problem cause(s) and mechanism. Identify and analyze alternatives solutions. (4) Solve the problem in theory. Then solve the problem in action by communicating the theoretical solution and convincing others to adopt the solution. --- 12/27/1997 --- *
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- No life, no future, living the nightmare. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Oh peace, oh joy, to think. --- 04/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Paul as author. --- 04/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Paul the wild animal. --- 06/01/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- People fear and dislike me because they sense instinctually that I am going to mess up their heads and screw up their world. I am chaos. I am conflict. I am the existential threat! --- 5/20/1998
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- People like me because I am full of life. I nobly confront, attack, and discuss basic issues and problems. (2) People do not like me because I am unsettling. I make people think. I challenge assumptions. I am full of neurotic energy. --- 10/05/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Philosopher therapist. Problem solver. --- 5/5/2006
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Pretty girls are my fuel. --- 12/29/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Rebel, philosopher, free thinker. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Since I met Audrey and moved in with her, I have experienced a reduction in psychological emotional pain and in unhealthy states of mind. Less depression, anxiety, sexual frustration, paranoia, loneliness, lack of love (giving and receiving). I am healthier, happier, and am getting more work done. It is a good thing. It is a beautiful thing. --- 04/24/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Spending money and free time are two concepts that no longer have any meaning for me. --- 10/30/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- State the problems for my adult years. What I will pursue and not and why. --- 07/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- The artist in me chafes at being called a philosopher. The philosopher in me chafes at being called an artist. --- 09/28/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- The fuzzy gray areas are my specialty. --- 05/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- The mature me. (1) Much drive, and well thought out goals. (2) No anxiety over personal limits, or limits of world. (3) No guilt or shame. Thinking and acting best I can. --- 05/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- The outdoor cafe' table, the park bench, the picnic table, that is my office. --- 6/14/2004
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Then: to do and not to think. Now: to think and not to do. --- 06/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- There are two worlds, and thus two me's. Me in the job world, working as a drone. Me in the life's work world, doing what I want. The former stinks, the latter is great. I do the former in order to do the latter. --- 01/01/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- There is important stuff that only I can think of. Only me in my prime (physical, psychological, age, effort). That's where I want to hang out. Alone. And bring back the jewels, as a philosopher and artist. It will take all of my memory, sensitivity, logic/reason, drive and energy. --- 07/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- There is not a lot holding me together (string, paperclips, gum, duct tape). I rattle in a cold wind. I overheat in summer. I get lost easily. --- 3/5/2001
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- There is something about me that will always be a skateboarding, surfing, rock-and-roll-ing, minimum-wage earning, misanthropic, rebel, misfit teen. I build on that foundation. --- 1/22/2002
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- What are my capabilities now, my potentials, and my limits. --- 12/30/1992
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- What is left of me? What has been accomplished? I didn't save the world. I didn't change the world (or did I?). I didn't produce anything new, useful, important or truthful (or did I?). --- 5/4/2002
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- What it seems like sometimes. Sometimes it seems like I spent twelve years trying to accomplish something, and that the results were worthless. Well, at least I lived my life the way I wanted to. I lived for my vision and dreams. It is not crazy to endeavor and aspire. One must aspire or expire. It is a good thing. Did what I had to do. --- 9/7/1999
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- What pleases me is not getting the idea. That is talent or gift. What pleases me is looking for the idea. The effort and character the search takes. Not for money, success, fame, or security, but to follow desires and values, even at loss of above. --- 05/30/1993
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- When are you going to believe completely 100% and full time that (1) You are a unique individual with a unique contribution to make, and (2) Your cause/mission is holy/sacred, noble, and important. --- 02/01/1994
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- When I am in the park or cafe' I am in my office. When I am thinking and writing I am on the job. Everything else is downtime. --- 6/15/2004
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- When I was strong, hard, quick, self reliant, brave, healthy, and energetic. Yet bored, wasteful, physical, unfocused, dreamy. Now mentally economical, crafty, industrious. Can I make it? Can I make it last? How long can this go on? I hope and dread. Illness, accident, injury, old age, all take their toll. --- 03/20/1997
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- When it comes to information I am a voracious omnivore. --- 7/12/2002
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- When the gods are smiling on me it is usually a prelude to them laughing out loud at me. --- 04/09/1989
Psychology, personality, self, me. --- Why do I get into philosophy? It is fun, full of wonder, and semi-useful. It satisfies me on a deep level. You gotta do something, and not waste life away. This is what I like most to do. --- 06/30/1993