Paul Nervy Notes
“Jokes, poems, stories, and a lot of philosophy, psychology, and sociology.”

Main page

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  .This section is about kids.  Topics include: ( ) Having.  ( ) Raising.  ---  1/24/2006

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  (1) Its wrong to have kids if your reason for having kids is that you are lonely and starved for love.  (2) Its wrong to have kids if your reason for having kids is that you are bored.  (3) Its wrong to have kids if your reason for having kids is to gain or maintain social status.  ---  4/16/2006

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Children's rights to have their voices heard.  Children deserve a say, but they never get one.  Adults do not own their kids.  Adults can not raise their kids "anyway they like".  Adults can not abuse or neglect children.  Adults should not spank children.  ---  12/31/1999

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Four ways to carry a baby.  (1) On your front, with baby facing forward.  (2) On your back with baby facing backward.  (3) On your front, with baby facing your chest.  (4) On your back, with baby facing your back.  Numbers 3 and 4 for the baby is like staring at a wall, and may lead to stimulus deprivation.  Number 2 is backward looking, and the baby only sees the past.  Number 1 is forward looking, and the baby sees what's coming, which is how humans see the world, which is the best.  ---  11/6/1999

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having children is not something above me that I have not matured to yet.  It is something beneath me.  I am made for greater stuff.  ---  08/15/1994

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having kids is a big, important job that is easy to start but tough to do well.  ---  02/15/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having kids just for the insurance they provide in one's old age is bullsh*t.  ---  11/30/1999

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having kids makes people yearn for stable partners and a safe society.  ---  12/26/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having kids only makes you a glorified babysitter.  ---  5/13/2006

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having kids.  (1) For many women, kids are the big project, to which they aspire, that gives their lives meaning and purpose, and without which they feel less of a person and woman.  (2) It also gives them something to do, to prevent boredom.  (3) It is also something to be in charge of, to be an authority figure and have social position.  (4) Society and peer pressure signal approval for women to have kids and disapproval for women with no kids, and thus contribute to the spread of the above attitudes.  (5) Having and raising a kid is viewed as a challenge to be met, to prove your self worth, to prove you are as good as the next woman.  Keeping up with the Jones's.  "I can do the job" vs. "I am no good".  (6) Having a baby is also a lot like owning a slave, a car, or a fur coat.  It is viewed as a possession.  You own the baby.  There is a progression in views from stewardship (watching out for), to authority (bossing around), to ownership (personal possession).  Summing up, these are some of the bad reasons to have kids:  (1) To own something.  (2) To be in charge of something.  (3) Out of boredom.  (4) To play a pre-set social role.  (5) To keep up with the Jones's.  (6) A do it yourself project.  What are the good reasons?  To make a kids life better.  To make the world a better place.  To spread good physical and psychological genes.  To keep the population level constant.  ---  12/30/1996

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having kids.  Sometimes people have kids when they essentially give up the struggle, throw in the towel, and say, "The world is too complicated and thinking is too difficult so I'm just going to ignore it all and focus on my kids."  Then they mistakenly believe that they only have to think about their kids and nothing else.  That is a wrong reason to have kids.  ---  6/24/2004

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Another reason not to have kids is overpopulation.  This is an ecological reason.  Zero population growth will only occur when each couple has only two children throughout their entire life, including divorce and re-marriage.  ---  08/17/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Another reason women have kids.  They give up, quit job, and stop thinking about everything except raising their kid.  In effect they shutdown, and shutout the outside world.  ---  04/15/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Anyone who wants to have kids should first take care of a plant for a year.  Then a cat or dog for a year.  If both have survived then have a kid.  ---  11/25/1993

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Can both parents handle them without (1) Inflicting physical or emotional abuse or neglect, (2) No matter what the future brings.  (3) How crazy, stupid unethical are parents, (4) At best, on average, at worst?  (5) How better/worse could you become?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  If 20% of the population shouldn't have kids for one reason or another (economics, psychology, etc.).  60% of couples should have 2 kids, lifetime total.  20% should have 4 kids.  This would keep the population level at zero.  ---  11/30/1996

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  If you have kids then you have time for nothing else.  Most people have kids.  This is why nothing gets done.  This is why society evolves slowly.  ---  11/30/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Kids and me: wouldn't be fair to them, genetically, psychologically, and environmentally.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Kids reduce your ability to think freely, about what you want, when you want, as long as you want.  You are forced to think how to support them and raise them.  Same with girlfriend.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Kids.  I couldn't support them monetarily.  I couldn't raise them unneruotically.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  More reasons people have kids.  (1) Power trip: to be in charge of something.  To be able to say "I own you".  (2) Ego trip: to be able to say to the kid "I made you.  I created you.  You would be nothing without me.  You owe me."  This is like what a manager says to an artist.  It is bullshit.  ---  04/24/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  More reasons why people have kids.  (1) Good reasons:  (A) Done living for self only.  Ready to care for another.  (B) Done living for fun only.  Ready to accomplish something.  (2) Bad reasons:  (A) To alleviate boredom and loneliness.  (B) To try to gain a sense of meaning and purpose in their lives.  ---  5/12/2000

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  More wrong reasons to have kids.  (1) Power trip: to have someone to boss around.  (2) Money: for the salary raise it will bring you.  (3) Social legitimization: looking for social acceptance, respect, and admiration from other people as you assume the role of parent.  (4) To try to bring together couples who may want to divorce.  ---  04/30/1993

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Once you have a kid you have an ethical imperative to devote every spare minute to them.  ---  10/10/1994

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  There is no guarantee with kids.  You may give birth to a dud.  You may raise a dud.  Even If you raise them correctly, a good one can turn out to be a dud.  ---  05/30/1993

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  What level of genetics, intelligence, psychological health, physical health, and financial health (money) should you be certain of maintaining for how many years for it to be ethically cool to have and raise kids?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Why do people have kids?  (1) Accident.  (2) Boredom.  (3) Momentary stupidity, inability to remember.  (4) Weakness to sex drives.  (5) Societal pressure, like mate, peers, society.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Why people have kids.  (1) Think it will bring them happiness (wrong).  (2) Think it will cement a bad relationship (wrong).  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Having.  Why.  People have kids to stave off the constant march of death in your life.  Without kids its is just a series of people dying.  First people your grandparents age dying, then people your parents age dying, and then people your age dying.  Kids help keep the specter of death at bay.  ---  9/21/2000

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  It may be true that raising their kids is the most important thing for parents, but many parents make the mistake of thinking that raising their kids is the only important thing, and they forget about many other important things.  ---  6/15/2004

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Kids are the big project for most people.  Kids are the big issue for most people.  Kids take up most of your time, energy and money and leave little for anything else.  Job, mate, kids, that's it.  Who has time to write?  Who has time to think?  Who has any time at all?  ---  4/29/2001

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Not everyone should have kids.  Those who wisely decide not to have kids should be applauded.  Those who have kids are not superior to those who do not have kids.  ---  11/18/2001

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  People have kids to try to add meaning and purpose to their lives.  Put meaning and purpose in ideas and actions, not things and people.  ---  5/5/2006

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  People take less risks when they have kids.  That can be good or bad.  It increases physical safety.  But it cuts down on entrepreneurship.  ---  5/30/1998

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising kids is (1) Very complex, very difficult, and very easy to screw up.  (2) How many and what things to force them to do?  (3) What exhort them to do and not?  (4) What leave them free to do and not?  (5) How much time devote to them?  (6) What and how often you tell them things?  Normative vs. explanatory.  (7) How much above you do at each age?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising kids.  (1) Giving love.  Smiles, hugs, attention.  (2) Discipline.  The purpose of discipline is to teach behavior and the reasons behind it.  It is possible to teach these things without having to resort to excessive control (jailer mentality), or psychological or physical abuse or neglect.  (3) For the kid to learn, he or she must gain good experiences and ideas.  Talking is key.  ---  05/10/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising kids.  How much time to spend with the kid?  What activities to do?  What to say to the kid?  How to act toward the kid?  What to teach the kid?  ---  4/17/2005

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  (1) Creating blind obedience vs. developing critical reasoning skills.  (2) Creating dependence vs. self reliance and independence.  ---  07/05/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  (1) Is one good parent (caring, knowledgeable) better than two bad ones (ignorant, no time)?  Yes.  (2) Is group day care a good social development?  Yes.  ---  12/30/1996

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  (1) What you do to them.  (2) Physically, verbally, body language.  (3) Intellectually and emotionally.  (4) How they see you responding to them, to others, to problems/challenges, and to life in general.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  For thousands (millions) of years kids were raised by the extended family, or the community.  Primitive day care.  ---  08/15/1994

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Hitting, yelling, threatening is psychologically damaging.  How severe, how long, how frequent, how nice returned to.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  If physical abuse towards children and adults is illegal, then verbal abuse towards kids and adults should be illegal.  ---  1/22/1999

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Kids.  (1) Don't tell them life is too hard, because saying that will discourage them.  (2) Don't tell them life is too easy, because saying that will make them lazy.  (3) Don't tell them nothing, or they will have to figure it out all themselves.  (4) Tell them everything?  (5) When tell them what?  What age?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  No one owns kids, they are all our responsibility.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Parent as manager, parent as judge.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Parenting should be based on openness and communication, especially on the part of the parent.  The child will often not communicate because (1) They don't know anything.  (2) If they are a teenager they will naturally be rebellious and non-communicative.  ---  03/07/1989

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  So you had a kid, on purpose or by accident.  Theories of raising them.  (1) Like business management you can be (A) Totalitarian, authoritarian.  (B) Hands off.  (C) Active democracy, involved with them.  (2) Some believe in "one right way" to raise all kids, some believe in suiting the raising method to the child's personality.  (3) However, some things will always be wrong, like physical, verbal (screaming), and psychological (threats, guilt) abuse and neglect.  ---  12/01/1993

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Spanking should be made illegal.  ---  9/22/1998

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Spanking.  (1) Most adults strike their children in anger.  If society condones the hitting of children (i.e. spanking) then the overall result will be more child abuse by adults who have lost their temper.  (2) Hitting another adult gets you arrested.  How is it okay to hit a child?  Its not okay.  (3) We don't hit prisoners, so how is it okay to hit kids?  Its not okay.  (4) Most people are against corporal punishment in schools and in the workplace.  How is it okay to hit kids?  Its not okay.  ---  11/15/2003

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Spanking.  (1) Most people who hit their children were hit as children.  Its a self-perpetuating cycle of violence.  Violence is learned.  (2) Most people who hit other people were hit as children.  ---  10/14/2003

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Spanking.  It is wrong to hit adults and it is also wrong to hit kids.  It is abuse, mostly psychological.  It creates apprehensive kids.  ---  07/05/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Spanking.  Parents should not hit the kids unless they want to get hit back later.  ---  02/28/1998

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Spanking.  Some people argue the following, "I was hit and it didn't affect me negatively."  Barring the notion that it affected their reasoning ability, we say that they should consider themselves one of the few who escaped without permanent emotional scarring.  ---  11/15/2003

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Teach parenting skills.  Create healthier, more ethical, smarter parents, who are more dedicated to child raising.  Better parents create better kids.  Better schools create better kids.  Better kids become better adults.  ---  3/30/1998

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  The reason single mother males have high crime rate is not because of the single mothers, it is because most of them grew up in poor, violent neighborhoods.  ---  08/15/1994

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  There is no study manual for raising kids.  (Actually, the bookstore has many).  More importantly, there is no test you have to pass to prove you know how to raise kids.  ---  11/20/2001

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Treat kids like adults.  Purpose: to teach, not to hurt.  How: (1) Patiently, with humor, caring, and kindness.  (2) With reasons and explanations.  (3) Teach them to think and understand, not to blindly obey.  (4) Give them notes.  (5) Teach them how and why to learn.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Type of value system parents should teach their kids.  (1) Keep an open mind.  Keep an inquiring mind.  Gather and assimilate information.  Find what works best for you.  (2) Show what seems to work for most people in general.  (3) Describe your value system and why you choose it.  State explicitly that they are not expected to follow it blindly, but rather should try to reason out their own value system.  (4) Most parents do the exact opposite of the above.  They don't talk, are closed minded, and are dogmatic.  ---  03/07/1989

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  Various attitudes toward kids.  Various attitudes toward discipline.  (1) Yell, hit, threaten (all bad) vs. don't.  For what, how much, why.  What I agree with, what I disagree with.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  What makes parents take care of their kids?  Pride (bad pride) that makes them try to prove they are better than anyone else.  Pride that makes them try to prove that they can be better parents than the Jones's.  The parents don't care about the kid so much as they care about their own reputations as adults and parents.  Ego.  ---  10/20/1997

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  You can't raise your kids anyway you want.  There are laws against abuse and there should be more laws.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Raising.  You shouldn't force them to do things.  You should teach them the reasons why we do things.  Teach them to think, not to believe and/or obey.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Sum up of wrong reasons to have a kid.  (1) Its wrong to have a kid as an insurance policy for old age.  (2) Its wrong to have a kid for the entertainment the kid will provide you.  (3) Its wrong to have a kid only because some members of society say to have a kid.  (4) Its wrong to have a kid only because some members of society wants to deny women birth control and abortions.  (5) Its wrong to have a kid as an unplanned accident.  (6) Its wrong to have a kid simply because kids are the biological result of unprotected sex.  (7) Its wrong to have a kid in order to have a little servant who does your bidding.  (8) Its wrong to have a kid in order to have something to control.  (9) Its wrong to have a kid because you are bored.  (10) Its wrong to have a kid just because it seems like everyone else is having kids.  ---  4/17/2005

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Two more views on having kids.  (1) Various views include: Its my job to have kids.  Its my duty or obligation to have kids.  Having kids is what I was built for.  Its my purpose to have kids.  Having kids gives my life meaning.  If no one has kids then the human species will go extinct.  (2) Its my privilege to have kids.  Its a joy to have kids.  Having kids is entertaining.  Having kids makes me happy.  (3) In my situation the arguments to not have kids outweighs the arguments to have kids.  ---  7/4/2002

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Two problems.  (1) Whether to have kids or not, where, when, how, with who, why.  (2) How raise them.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Why do people have kids?  Because they feel an urge to have kids and can think of no reason not to have kids, due to lack of development of critical thinking skills.  ---  4/3/2005

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Why do people have kids?  People have kids because people have been conditioned by society, religion, etc. to think they should have kids.  For example, when people have been conditioned by society, religion, etc., not to use birth control.  ---  4/3/2005

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Why do people have kids? There's nothing else to do.  Work is a bore.  Leisure is a bore.  Everything is a bore.  Nothing is new.  Sadly, many people have children for the entertainment value.  ---  3/5/2002

Sociology, family, kids.  ---  Without children it is quiet.  Without friends it is still.  Without family it is cold.  I am alone.  I am surrounded by death and ghosts.  This is my endgame.  I play cards with death.  I relive my memories.  I relive my mistakes, failures and bad luck.  I relived my victories, successes and windfalls.  I relive the sensations of being alive.  I envy those surrounded by warmth and joy.  ---  2/10/2002

Main page

Paul Nervy Notes. Copyright 1988-2007 by Paul Nervy.