Paul Nervy Notes
“Jokes, poems, stories, and a lot of philosophy, psychology, and sociology.”

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Sociology, relationships.  ---  .This section is about dyads and person to person interaction.  ---  4/18/2005

Sociology, relationships.  ---  .This section is about interpersonal relationships.  ---  1/24/2006

Sociology, relationships.  ---  (1) A healthy social relationship benefits both people in the relationship.  What are the traits of healthy social relationships?  Ideally it involves two psychologically healthy people.  No taking advantage of each other.  A win win situation.  What are some examples of healthy social relationships?  (2) An unhealthy social relationship hurts one or both people in the relationship.  What are the traits of unhealthy social relationships?  What are some examples of unhealthy social relationships?  ---  11/25/2004

Sociology, relationships.  ---  (1) All relationships are a mix of cooperation and competition.  All relationships are political.  (2) All relationships have an ethical component.  We analyze how good or bad each person's means and ends are.  ---  11/20/2001

Sociology, relationships.  ---  (1) All relationships are sexual.  (2) All relationships are power struggles.  (3) All relationships are dilemmas, problems, or question resulting in (4) Tension, pressure, or stress.  (5) All relationships are complex and difficult.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  (1) Social relationships as (A) Political: gaining power, (B) Economic: gaining values.  (2) Player A: Nothing to win vs. nothing to lose.  Something to win vs. something to lose.  (3) Player B: same.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  (1) What do we need?  (2) What do we think we need?  (3) What are we consciously looking for, what do we want?  (4) What do we get from the other?  (5) Above for each member in relationship.  (6) Pathological and healthy.  (7) In general, specific types relationships, and specific relationships.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  All relationships are oppositional.  All relationships are stress.  All relationships are struggle.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  All relationships.  (1) What to I want from the other person?  What to I want them to do?  How do I want them to behave?  (2) How to I get "1".  Reward and punishment?  Beg, threaten, etc.?  ---  10/30/1994

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Analyzing a relationship.  See also: History, relationship history.  ---  12/12/2004

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Deciding relationship.  How close both of you want to be to the other (closer, farther).  If so, why (2 subjective views, 2 objective explanations).  If not, why (ditto).  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Dyad relationships.  Each individual has different priorities of values that they want to give to the other person or get from the other person.  Or that they want to keep to self or keep away from self.  These values can include money, ideas, emotion, promises, work, love, attention, compliments, power, etc.  Even such seemingly innocent behaviors as "just being together" and "just talking" involve the expenditure of values such as time and energy.  ---  5/17/2002

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Dyadic (2 person) relationships, same sex or opposite sex.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Escalating spirals of love and trust, or hate and distrust.  Tendency of social relationships to polarize.  Friend or foe.  What causes this tendancy in people?  ---  08/15/1994

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Every relationship is dysfunctional by degree.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  How does a relationship form?  Why does a relationship form?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  In a specific situation or environment, two people meet.  Psychology vs. psychology.  Behavior vs. behavior.  Who will get their goals?  Who will neither get nor lose?  Who will lose?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Pathological.  Typical pathological sociological relationships involve fear, loathing and mistrust.  ---  10/1/1999

Sociology, relationships.  ---  People train each other through reward and punishment.  Study your relationships, work on your relationships, and kick ass in your relationships.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Reasons why relationships are formed.  Forced vs. chosen: to get goals.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship = mental (social psychology) + behavior or action (social behavior).  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  (1) Power: dominant vs. submissive, (willingly vs. by force).  (2) Emotion: like vs. dislike.  (3) Similarities and differences of (A) Psychological abilities.  (B) Physical abilities.  (C) Degree agree on views and values.  (D) Degree you are equals (standards).  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  (1) Psychological condition: in general, and during interaction.  (2) Physical condition.  (3) Life.  (4) Actual vs. as guessed by each one.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  (1) Psychological forces (see psychology).  (2) Environmental forces (see environment): needs, scarcity, utility, value.  (3) Political, economic, and psychological, outcomes of social interaction.  (4) What will happen when x type of person meets y type of person in z environment?  (5) Gains and losses on each side.  (6) Goals and antigoals gained and lost.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  (1) What the relationship is objectively vs. what it should be objectively.  (2) What participants think it is subjectively vs. what participants think it should be ideally subjectively.  (3) Variance from objective.  Variance from both people's subjective views.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  (1) What they mentalized, said, and did vs. what I mentalized, said, did.  (2) What she and I should have done in past vs. what she and I should do now and why.  (3) Was it good or bad and why?  (4) Actual vs. perceived.  (5) Subjects.  Importantce of subject to relationship.  Variance of views, and importance of variance to relationship.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  At all stages in relationship, from start to finish, who do you think you are vs. who do you think they are?  (example, what do you expect from their personal ad?)  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Chances that person A will get B response from person C if he follows D strategy in E situation, and why.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Degree know/unknown about a person.  (1) Their attitudes and views on all subjects.  How close or different to yours.  How good or bad you consider their different views, and (2) Their actions in any situation, towards you or others.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Degree someone hurts or helps you vs. degree you hurt or help them.  Unconsciously or consciously, by them, to you.  And when and how much one perceives the other as trying to do the opposite.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  For both persons: mind, communication, and behavior.  On the relationship, and on all other subjects.  Before, during, and after interaction.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  How much am I going to become like you vs. how much are you going to become like me.  Consciously (forced or willing) vs. unconsciously.  To me, to you.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  How much could I hurt/help them, how much do I want to?  How much could they hurt or help me, how much do they want to?  And then what actually happens.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  How pleasurable was it to be with x person.  How much did I grow or learn vs. devolve.  (A) Figured out for self vs. learned from them.  (B) Easy way: taught, shared, discussed vs. hard way: suffered, hurt.  (C) Unconsciously or consciously, for both people.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Interaction analysis.  (1) Who was she?  What did she want?  What did she do, and why?  What should she have done, and why?  Vs.  Same for me.  (2) You can analyze above in a historical perspective, and also in a future planning perspective.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Interaction analysis.  Most important, frequent, or overt events that person X did or said, and that person Y did or said or felt (if it is you).  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Interaction: x, y, and z personality types meet, what will happen?  Who are we, and who are they?  What do we want, and what do they want?  What's the objective relationship, and what are the two subjective relationships?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Interpretation.  What did they think it meant vs. what did you think it meant vs. what would anyone think it meant vs. what did it actually mean?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  One type of person meets another type of person, in a specific type of situation, what will happen?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Person A and person B meet.  (1) When person A can tell who person B is better than person B can tell who person A is.  (2) When one can tell who the other is better than the other can tell who they are themselves.  (3) When one or other realizes "1" or "2". (4) And the other realizes it too.  ---  11/20/1993

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Relationship analysis through time.  One person grows, stagnates, or devolves and other other person grows, stagnates, or devolves.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Relationship analysis: effects of mind, words, and actions on each other, for better or worse, intended or not.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Social analysis.  (1) Members.  Number, types, psychological analysis.  (2) Interaction.  Behavior, type, frequency, duration.  (3) Causes, effects.  Psychological changes till next interaction.  (4) Healthy vs. pathological.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Subjective view of person A of what the relationship is vs. subjective view of person B of what the relationship is vs. what it really objectively is.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Their philosophy (metaphysics, epistemology, ethics, aesthetics) vs. your philosophy (metaphysics, epistemology, ethics, aesthetics).  What they want and expect from you vs. what you want and expect from them (stuff, actions, favors).  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  What do you think you will become vs. what do you think they will become.  Who do you think they were vs. who do you think you were.  Vs. the actual, real, objective truth.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  What happened between me and so and so (events, actions, words, thoughts and feelings, etc.)?  How did it make me feel?  How do I feel about so and so?  What do I think of so and so?  ---  02/15/1997

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Which events caused problems for relationship?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Who was saner, wiser, and smarter vs. who dominated.  For every subject, view, and argument brought up in communication and action.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Whose perceptions are truer (closer to reality).  Whose decisions are healthier.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  Will the individuals like or hate each other.  Will the individuals interact or not.  Many factors, values, and standards are involved.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship analysis.  X person (personality, sex, age, culture)  with y person in z situation, what happens, why?  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship elements.  (1) Predictable elements: human nature, social mores.  (2) Decidable elements: your choice.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Relationship types.  Healthy and happy relationships.  Unhealthy, problem relationships are interesting.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Social relationships are like businesses or governments.  Information gathering, deal making, bargaining, negotiating, goal getting.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Social relationships are person-to-person interactions.  Social relationships are a micro level form of sociology, as differentiated from macro level forms of sociology such as the study of society.  ---  11/25/2004

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Social relationships described in terms of Newtonian physics.  (1) Each body is a certain distance from every other body.  That is, each person is a certain distance from every other person.  By "distance" I do not mean physical distance, I mean social distance.  In terms of social distance, you bring closer the people that you like, and you keep further away the people that you dislike.  (2) Bodies either attract or repel each other.  You can bring a person into your orbit.  You can eject a person from your orbit  (3) In terms of social distance, two bodies can be moving toward each other, or away from each other, at any speed, any rate of acceleration, and at any distance.  (4) You can see a couple standing physically next to each other, but in terms of social distance they can either be in close orbit around each other or they can be hurtling apart at great speed, and it can be difficult to tell.  (5) In the social realm, there is a problem analogous to the three body problem in physics.  When there are three or more people present it becomes difficult to do the math to describe the social situation.  (6) People are like billiard balls.  Ideas are like billiard balls.  People collide, careen, carom of each other much like billiard balls.  Ideas collide, careen, carom of each other much like billiard balls.  However, there are limitations to the analogy of describing people and ideas as physical objects.  In some ways people and ideas resemble physical objects, but in other ways people and ideas are very different from physical objects.  ---  12/2/2005

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Some wrongheaded people think the parent-child, boss-worker, government-citizen, god-human relationship should be to force kids, workers and citizens to do the right thing, without reasoning with them (Socratic method) to do the right thing, or explaining reasons for them to do the right thing.  They wrongly think it is ok to simply tell (preach) them what is right without explaining why you think so.  And to punish them without explaining the reasons why what they did was wrong.  They say to do things just because they say so, or because god says so, which is not a good reason.  In essence telling them to believe and obey blindly.  Obey orders.  Just do it, and don't think about it.  Don't develop your capacity to reason and think for yourself.  By doing so we raise morons.  ---  12/30/1995

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Stages in relationship development.  (1) Meet, learn about each other, and decide whether to meet again.  (2) Growth, stagnation, decay.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  There is no such thing as a purely sexual relationship.  There is no such thing as a purely economic relationship.  Even when a john visits a prostitute the relationship is neither purely sexual nor purely economic.  All relationships are a mix of the sexual, the economic, the political, the communicative and many other factors.  Individual factors in a relationship can be emphasized or de-emphasized, brought to the foreground or put in the background, brought to the center or kept at the margins, but that does not mean the other factors do not exist.  ---  11/25/2004

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Things that make relationships go bad.  Things that destroy love.  Things that destroy trust.  Things that destroy communication.  ---  12/20/1998

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Total agreement, even total understanding, never occurs.  Opposition always exist.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Types of relationships.  Friend of.  Enemy of.  Know of.  Know well.  Acquaintance.  Stranger.  Friend of a friend.  Business contact.  Legal relationships.  Mentor and protoge.  Equals.  Cooperative, competitive or conflict.  ---  6/3/2001

Sociology, relationships.  ---  Views on the purpose of social relationships.  (1) Solving problems: yours and theirs.  (2) Not causing problems.  (3) Causing problems for others.  (4) Sometime they think they're doing one, but actually do another.  ---  12/30/1992

Sociology, relationships.  ---  What do you want to achieve?  What does the other person want to achieve?  Can a deal be made?  Is cooperation possible?  ---  7/31/2005

Sociology, relationships.  ---  What is this relationship about?  There are two ways to determine what a relationship is about.  (1) Agreement between the two people regarding what the relationship is about.  The agreement can be explicit or implicit, express or implied, overt or covert.  (2) The relationship can be defined by pre-existing social roles and norms.  ---  11/25/2004

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Paul Nervy Notes. Copyright 1988-2007 by Paul Nervy.